There is nothing good in me except Christ.   I say that because it is true!  People have said to me, "Your too hard on yourself!", but I disagree!  Actually, it is good that I recognize my brokeness because when I do, I can receive grace from Christ.   Where sin abounded Grace much more abounded!  But, what does that have to do with the title CRUSHED?  Lately, I have been struggling with my response to my situation.  I currently work two part time jobs.  One during the day and the other at night.  I have a degree and I also have a family to feed.  I am sure there are many of you which can relate to my situation.  No matter how hard I try to move forward or what path I take (concerning jobs) I can't seem to get ahead.  So then my mind starts working telling me all sorts of different things.  Things such as, "Ryan your pathetic you can't even provide properly for your family!  Ryan, what good are you?  Whatever decision you make flops!  Ryan, you were passed over for that position in lieu of a younger, inexperienced person.  You suck..."  It's interesting even as I write this, I want to give into those lies.  I want to believe those things because that is easier and that would then give me the right to state my case to God justifying my self centerdeness.  So, this battle is raging in my mind.  I want to think and dwell on those things because that's what is natural for me.  But the Bible tells me that I should do all things without grumbling or complaining.  That I shouldn't be bitter.  
  One night while I was at work, I was struggling with those thoughts.  Suddenly, Isaiah 53:10 popped into my head.  It says that God was pleased to crush Him for our iniquities.  Oh friends, there's so many things I'm learning about Jesus through His Spirit and Word.  You see, Jesus made Himself nothing on our behalf.  He did it so He could empathize with our sinful weakness.  He was perfect yet He still had to go through suffering as well as disappointment, sorrow, rejection, betrayal.  Don't you think the temptation was there for Him to want to feel sorry for Himself too?  And yet He set the perfect example!  He submitted Himself to the Father in every situation.  Even when He knew that it was the Father's will that He be crushed!  
  What if it pleases God that I be crushed to bring Him glory?  What if it pleases God that you be crushed for His glory?  Would I submit to God as Jesus did?   Would you?   You may say to me, "But Ryan, that was easy for Jesus because He was/is God!"  I just read in Hebrews 5:7, "While Jesus was here on earth, he offered prayers and pleadings, with a loud cry and tears, to the one who could rescue him from death. "  He was begging God to spare Him! Do you think it was still easy for Him?  
  I don't think I am being crushed, but I do think that I am being pruned....stretched.  I think the Father is cutting sin from my life.  I want to complain.  I want to throw up my fists to God and say, "What are you doing to me and my family?  Don't you love me?  This hurts!"  When I think that He was crushed for me, it helps me to endure a little more.  If God is allowing me to go through this situation..if this situation brings God glory, then who am I to rebel against Him?  Jesus was crushed for me.  I should have been the one crushed because of my sin, but He was.  
  Friends, this has been a difficult week for me, but it is for my good because I am one of God's children.  This life is short .  What are you focused on?  Is your heart struggling for answers?  Is it darkened?   I hope you seek for answers in His Word and in prayer.
  Now, I've got to go to bed!  Work comes around early!  And by the way, my cold is gone.  Green smoothies all the way!  Have a good night!

  It's 2 AM, well, 2:39 AM and I have a cold.  Cold's are miserable and the only cure is time.  Sure you can take the typical doses of Airborne, Dayquil, gallons of hot tea, etc. but really, only time and sleep will heal you.  Obviously I'm not sleeping right now, and time, well I'm waiting on that.  
  I'm a thinker.  Not a smart one (I don't think) because if I was, I wouldn't have to think so much.  My thoughts generally focus on my Jesus, the Bible, and the walk I have with Him.  He established salvation in my life so isn't it normal that my focus is now on Him?  I mean, from what I have read of Jesus and His relationship with God the Father, He was constantly thinking of the Father and His relationship with Him.  Oh, and He (Jesus) also thought about His relationship with His disciples.  He loved them.  He gave His life for them.  
  See, I turned to Jesus to change my life.  I wanted what He promised when He said that I could have life and have it more abundantly.  I wanted the empty space in my life to be filled.  You know, that dark hole that tells you, "If I could only get that one thing that would make me happy."  Then, when you get that one thing,  you find out your not any happier and that dark hole is still there.  I also wanted a different heart.  Meaning, I wanted to act differently.  No, not act, I wanted (and want) to be different!  
  So, I looked for Jesus.  I looked and looked and finally found Him.  Wait, ha, hold on a second, He found me.  I don't think I would have ever found Him had He not shown Himself to me.  Does that make sense?  Look at it this way, Jesus once said to let the little children come to him.  He said that those who enter the Kingdom of Heaven had to be like a child.  He also said seek and you will find.  Hold on Ryan, you just said that you didn't find Jesus.  Well, yes and no.  I did find Jesus, but only because He let me.  You know how you play hide and seek with little kids?  You're hiding and they are looking for you...but they're not finding you!  You have to start giving them hints and usually, you have to almost just step out of your hiding place in order for that child to "find" you.  See, I was so blind in my own sins (Ephesians says that we were dead in our sins) I couldn't have seen Jesus though I wanted to.    Now, my eyes are getting heavy.  I've got to try and kick this cold and get some sleep.  Friends, I hope you sleep well. Good night.